BON APPETIT - CHEEKY JON BON JOVI INTERVIEW TRAPPED IN A MOVIE TRAILER WITH THE WORLD'S SEXIEST ROCK GOD STRIPPED DOWN TO HIS SMALLS, TV'S KITSCH KITTEN, KATIE PUCKRIK CAN'T BELIEVE SHE FORGOT HER CHOCOLATE BODY PAINT... 'Is it him?' 'I don't know, his hair's really short.' 'Get his autograph anyway!' The young mothers of Rockaway Beach are oblivious to the threat of pram pile-up as they ogle Jon Bon Jovi draping himself around a street sign. Jon is shooting dangerously moody looks at the photographer, who clicks obligingly. The mothers, all bubblegum jeans and Queens accents, are awestruck by his pretty-boy glamour. As they gawp, their hard-working hands smooth stray hairs and flick off bits of encrusted baby drool. After all, it's not every day a fully fledged rock star comes to your neighbourhood. Except today, Jon's not a rock star. He's a movie star making his fifth film - Long Time, Nothing New by She's The One director Ed Burns. In it, Jon plays a regular blue collar guy who gets left behind when his girlfriend (played by Lauren Holly) tires of their two bit town and heads for the big city. Today, we're on location for the two bit part of the film in a ramshackle seaside suburb of New York City. While Jon thrills the locals and pouts for photographers, I decide to stake out his trailer. But first I had to get past Dr Steve, the strapping personal trainer-come-chiropractor whose job it is to fondle JBJ's chakras and chi-paths. Apparently, Jon's a sucker for acupressure. Dr. Steve tells me that he's been hanging out all week with nothing to do - the star's too busy for treatment. By all accounts Jon's always busy. Before starting this movie he transplanted his wife Dorothea and children to the London suburb of Wandsworth for three months while he filmed The Leading Man (due for release this August). At the same time, he wrote and recorded his second solo album, Destination Anywhere, then it was straight back to his home town of New Jersey to start work on Long Time. Anyway, back to the trailer, which, like its present occupant is slightly smaller than expected. There's no room to execute even the smallest stadium-style split leap. The only personal items in the room are some black wraparound sunglasses, a black digital watch and a pair of black pointy-toed suede elf boots with three inch Cuban heels. Hey, it's a rock star starter kit. I'm interrupted in mid-snoop by the captain of the caravan himself. As Jon extends a hand in formal greeting, I take in the full shopping list of his attributes: well-built body, clean teeth, perfect tan and seriously perfect hair. He's wearing his film character's clothes: snug grey sweatshirt, snug green work trousers and tan construction boots. The boots are probably snug too, but that isn't so important to me. The New Jersey gentleman sits inches away from me and lights the first of many Marlboro Lights. KP: New Woman is a racy, pacy British women's magazine. They have sexy articles about how to make your man your slave. JBJ: I'm the wrong guy, then. Speaking about racy, Miss Pink Bra Sticking Out of Her Shirt (Jon's clearly taken with the sheer see-throughness of my brown lace blouse) KP: I do what I can, ok? JBJ: I like it. KP: I'm just working the visible bra angle JBJ: We can work that. I like that very much. (Jon adjusts his snug green trousers to allow greater comfort.) KP: Hey, I've brought you a present to remind you of Britain. This is for you. (Handing him a jar of Marmite). JBJ: (Horrified) I HATE that stuff! I HATE that stuff! That stuff is garbage! Put it on your car. Grease the wheels with it - it's....yuck. KP: (Placatingly) It's ok, Jon..... JBJ: Gets up to examine photo session clothes hanging on wall) I might try these on. These are nice trousers. I don't own clothes like this, they just let me wear 'em for photo shoots. KP: Are those suede trousers? JBJ: Yes. They look good. They might have to walk home with me. KP: What do you do to get in the mood when you're in the recording studio? I have this idea that to get those sultry vocals you do something like pour hot custard down your pants. JBJ: Wouldn't YOU like to know. (Disconcertingly, Jon starts stripping off his sweatshirt.) KP: Well, you know the British are famous for being kinky and doing bizarre things, like having sex blindfolded with oranges in their mouths. JBJ: I have an oral fixation, so I know you can't do anything really tasty with an orange in your mouth. (Jon is now parading the full glory of his sculpted torso before me.) KP: In that case, you might be able to enjoy the latest British sexual kick: the erotic joy of chocolate body paint. JBJ: Sounds interesting. KP: Does that sound like anything you might be tempted to try? JBJ: Yeah, I would check it out. You got any? (I mentally kick myself for bringing Marmite instead of chocolate body paint.) KP: Does the idea of novelty sex get a bit boring over the years? JBJ: Novelty sex? No. I think if you can find a partner to participate, it's exciting. I would be wide open to that kind of stuff. If I came home and my wife wanted to try that stuff, I could check it out, actually. (At this point, Jon slips into the lavatory to change into the suede trousers.) KP: So you're pretty adventurous sexually? (I'm forced to shout this question through the toilet door which makes me feel like a pervert. I hear his belt buckle jangling open and decide to press my eye to the key hole.) JBJ: I enjoy sex - very much so. As for adventure - I'm Christopher Columbus. (Suddenly the loo door flies open and Jon is wearing nought but is new suede togs. It's a commanding sight and I try not to hyperventilate. JBJ: What do you think? KP: Looking good. They're a little baggy, though. Are you worried about that? JBJ: Nope. Gives me more room to check out the package. KP: Or to pour some hot custard down. JBJ: Or to pour hot custard down. KP: How do you feel about nude scenes? JBJ: I don't have a problem with them at all. They're not a big deal. Anyway, I'm hung like a second grader. (I find this a bit hard to believe as Jon's suede-covered 'package' doesn't look like anything I've ever seen on a seven-year-old.) KP: Is it true that the people you work with call you Elvis? JBJ: Yes. KP: Why? Do you give away Cadillacs? JBJ: Yes. KP: Can I have one? JBJ: Sure. I've bought many cars and houses and stuff for people over the years. KP: My colour is pink. (Gesturing towards my peep-thru-bra) JBJ: I see that. KP: That's right, I don't have to say it. (Getting a foxy look in his eye) JBJ: So, is it a matching outfit? KP: No, I don't bother with down below. I don't like my hindquarters being lifted and separated. (Jon bursts into slow applause). KP: I get applause for that? JBJ: I appreciate that. Your pantyhose, on the other hand, leave a little to be desired. Stockings are great, but pantyhose are very unsexy. When you take the skirt off and you still have the pantyhose on it's just unattractive....you know, they've got that little breathing thing in the middle? (I'm hoping he means the gusset.) KP: Well, it depends on who's doing the breathing. JBJ: Nahh, it's just a little funky. I'm not a big pantyhose guy. KP: OK. I'll try to bear that in mind the next time we meet. (Struggling to get back to the Elvis question) KP: Do you identify with Elvis? JBJ: I identified a lot with Elvis, yeah. I love his style of singing, he was a very loyal guy - he was a little misled, but in the big picture he was a good guy. It's too bad.... KP: .....that he had to go the way we went... JBJ: .....at 42 KP: What are you going to do when you're 42? JBJ: The same thing I hope. KP: What, keeling over on the toilet? JBJ: No, not the same as Elvis, I mean the same thing I'm doing now - making records and movies. KP: How in touch are you with boring real-life stuff like paying bills? Are we likely to see you down at the chemist picking out your favourite deodorant? JBJ: Sure. Don't think I don't wake up every day and run by the church and say: 'Thank you - I don't know what I did to get here.' I don't go to church but I run by the church. Of course I go to the chemist, absolutely. KP: You were confusing the local neighbourhood mothers earlier with your new-look short hair. Could you foresee a skinhead look in the future? JBJ: I'm not afraid of it. (For this film) they said: 'Cut your hair, lose weight.' I said: 'Fine'. KP: Why did you cut it originally? Did it get caught in the video's wind machine? JBJ: (Impatiently) No no. It was time for a change so I did it. KP: If it wasn't your job to look perfect for your music and film career, would you be a total slob? JBJ: I'm not on any kind of macrobiotic diet. I've got Snickers bars in there. I do enjoy working out and I'm an avid runner. It's my relief, to tell you the truth - I don't do it for any other reason. I did a film where I had to put on 10lbs and get a crew cut and that was a lot of fun. Drinking every day and eating greasy food is good fun. I'm actually sweating out a bottle of wine from last night as we speak. KP: Do you have any hot hangover tips for us? JBJ: Acupuncture can cure a hangover. KP: Where do you stick the needle? JBJ: In your toe, believe it or not. You stick a little pin in there and your liver goes on fire. (Jon picks up an apple from the basket and starts absentmindedly rubbing it on his taut, muscled thigh in long, deliberate strokes. Up the thigh, down the thigh...up...down...lucky apple!) KP: So let's talk about your movie, Long Time, Nothing New. How did you get this part? JBJ: Eddie (Ed Burns, the director) sent me the script. It was originally based in Asbury Park, New Jersey, so I jumped at the idea of doing a film where I could sleep in my own bed. But then we moved here to Far Rockaway. KP: Are you doing the kind of acting roles that you're genuinely interested in? JBJ: Well, I'm not doing them for the money or for the luxurious accommodation. I look for things that are dialogue-driven and not just more bang for the buck. I'm much more interested in a hip script than a hit script. KP: When you first started taking acting classes in 1991, did you ever think you'd appear in big Hollywood movies? JBJ: No, not at all. I had no intention of ever getting into the movies, but I was driven by the music I wrote for Young Guns. The next thing I know, I win a Golden Globe, I'm nominated for an Oscar and performing at the Academy Awards. I'm looking out at the audience and I go: ' 'This doesn't suck'. So I wanted to do it again. The bug had bitten me. (Jon finally finishes polishing his apple and takes a bite.) KP: You must feel like a total rock god when you get out on that concert stage, but when you show up on a film set do you feel like the dorky new kid? JBJ: To an extent, yeah. Destination Anywhere is my ninth album, so even though it's always exciting to settle down and write a new batch of songs, I know the process. I know how to write a song, I know how to make a record, and I know how to tour. But the problem was that those things were all I knew how to do. So it was the whole idea of starting over in a new medium that really appealed to me. KP: Your first single off the album is Midnight In Chelsea. What exactly were you doing at midnight in Chelsea? Avoiding drunken It Girls and trying to find a bar that was still open? JBJ: Yeah, something like that. Actually living in London changed everything in my life. I was really excited by living there - it made me feel like a young kid again. I loved London and got a place in New York after all these years of living in New Jersey simply because I wanted to recapture the same electricity. KP: Talking about home, why don't you ever get around to personalising your trailer? JBJ: This is personalised! KP: You need a little pot pourri. JBJ: Do I look like a pot pourri kind of guy? KP: What kind of guy are you? JBJ: I've got chocolates there and weights in the closet and a stereo... KP: What do you listen to? Barbra Streisand (Wardrobe women enters with clothes for the next scene). JBJ: (Sarcastically) Yeah, Streisand, you know, meditation music, cabaret....being the cultured bastard that I am. KP: Well I've enjoyed you taking your clothes off in front of me, Jon. JBJ: I'd be happy to do a show for you anytime. KP: Thanks, but you already have. ------------------------- July's issue of "New Woman" magazine, sent by Wendy

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